Monday, February 15, 2010

Long Time

Wow so it has been so long since I have blogged that I wonder if anyone even checks our blog anymore! So much has happened in the last while that is hard to even know how to begin. I think one of the reasons I haven't blogged in a while is because I just didn't feel right sharing the everyday family updates when I haven't taken the time to write about my dad. I have been avoiding it because well it sucks and it hurts. He passed away in September and it has left a big hole in our family and in my heart. It was not expected and left me feeling cheated that I haven't been able to see him much in the last 7 years since moving to Texas.
It is hard to imagine all of the family get together without him there. He is a man that loves and lived for his family. I know that great sacrifices were made on his part to provide for us. I can't say the words "he was", because I know he still is and that he still watches over my mom. I do and will miss him. Even as I write this, the words seem so inadequate and casual, but it is the best I can do for now. I still struggle to accept it and I am not quite ready to open the vault of memories, because I know it will be hard. I am not ready to face the memories of times that I felt him so proud of me, the times when I felt proud of him. The life lessons he taught through example and quiet discussion. One of the perks of being the youngest is that I got my parents all to myself for awhile as an adult and I loved the long gospel chats we would have. I wasn't ready to have him leave just yet.

8 comments:

Kate said...

I'm so sorry, Jentry. You are in my thoughts and prayers. xoxo

Superwoman said...

I'm so sorry, it is so hard to lose your Parents. Hang in there. :(

Kari said...

We're so sorry for your sadness. We love you. You, your family (including your mom) are in our prayers. Take care.

Jess said...

Jentry, as I read your blog so many emotions come flooding back to me as well. On the 26th will mark 7 years since my dad passed away and I wish I could say that it gets easier but it hasn't for me. I still miss him like crazy and cry everytime I talk about him.

I am SO sorry to hear about your dad's passing. I can only imagine the feelings that you and your sweet family are going through. Just know that you will see small miracles and that the Lord will bless your family and that your Dad is truly watching over you now.

Abyss said...

I am so sad- your dad is awesome. I feel your sadness through your words and am very sorry for you.
What I liked best about your dad was how quiet he was- he was wise and watched. Yet he was full of life when your mom chattered around him. I know how much he meant to you and I am very sorry for you. I wish you would have posted sooner, but I understand about talking about the little things when something bigger needs to be talked about.
I wish I could lend you a hand too.

Unknown said...

Man, I had no idea. That is so hard Jentry. I'm sure it takes quite a while to get used to him not being around. I'm sorry your heart still hurts so much. Hopefully it will heal as time goes on.
Love you.

The Adkins Family said...

Sorry to hear this, Jentry. We're thinking of you!

Unknown said...

Sorry for your loss. Scott and I often think of you guys. It would be fun to get together at some point. Want to visit the East? Keep in touch.